Tag Archives: graduate school

What Keeps Me Going During COVID-19: Journey of an International Graduate Student

The COVID-19 pandemic has impacted all of us differently. While it’s not easy or fair to compare who was affected the most, staying away from home and family has been incredibly hard on international students. I have stayed indoors for the past three months and have experienced overwhelming emotions regarding personal loss and professional uncertainty.

Away from Home  

My home country India is fighting COVID in a manner that is very different from United States. I share this concern with many of my Indian friends that to be safe in India largely depends on the action of our own family members. The government machinery is under immense pressure and has not been able to respond to the rising public needs in the wake of the pandemic. Every day I would hear new challenges from my family back home – from grocery stores running out of basic food items to people unsuccessfully lining up for hours to get the government sanctioned ration; from overcrowded hospitals to healthcare workers getting infected in the absence of adequate Personal Protection Equipment (PPE). In this atmosphere, it’s unsettling and emotionally draining to imagine how my parents would manage if something were to happen to them. In times of crisis it is natural to stay with one’s family. Not knowing whether and when I would be able to see them again adds an additional layer of sadness and helplessness.

Losing Loved Ones

COVID19 has brought incessant personal losses for me. This has made me reflect on how I process the plethora of complex emotions that loss brings. It all started with my mother calling me one day to inform that my grandfather has been diagnosed with prostate cancer and only has a few days left. It is largely my mother who takes care of her father and her father in law. Every day, she would feed my paternal grandfather in the morning and then visit her father at the other end of the city in the afternoon. When a lockdown was announced, she had to stop this commute. It was painful to listen to a daughter’s grief of not being able to meet her dying father in his last few days.

At the same time, my husband lost both of his grandparents to health challenges in India. He had just moved to the Unites States and this news was a shock for him. I wasn’t sure what kind of support I could offer him. He clearly wanted to be back home with his family and mourn with them. Almost simultaneously, our close friend and flat mate, a Chilean, discovered that his mother fractured her leg from a fall and that his father has cancer. He rushed to book his flight home to Chile. It was bittersweet that he got to be with his father in his last days; he passed away after a week. It was not just humans, one of our dogs who I admired for her resilience throughout my life, also died during this time back in India.

Perhaps being so far away from home, we don’t feel the full force of our emotions when hearing about these tragic events. Maybe our bodies, in order to protect ourselves, grows a thick skin against such news. The only thing I look forward to now is our hopeful trip back to India in December. 

The plight of Migrants

Watching news every day from India hit a new low for me. As the lock-down was announced, an estimated number of 130 million migrant workers started to walk back to their villages from big cities like Delhi and Mumbai due to a of loss of work opportunities. They were travelling distances like 1,600 kilometers on foot, often dying due to hunger and/or heat as well as being subjected to immensely undignified measures at various stops like being sprayed with disinfectants by government officials after reaching Bareilly (a city in the state of Uttar Pradesh). There was also heartwarming news about how locals and nonprofits stepped up to provide food and shelter at many places. But the overwhelming response I saw from the state and fellow Indians indicated that these migrants don’t belong to the country. It broke my heart not just to read about their unwarranted struggles but also my own helplessness that I was unable to do much for them at this time.

Coming Home: The Funding Crisis in Academia

It is not unknown that many departments and universities are facing extremely difficult situations in terms of supporting their graduate students. While this affects all students, it affects some more than the others. International students often lack both financial as well as social safety nets that can be vital during these times. In many cases, not having money simply means stopping your research and going back home. I was fortunate to have been able to navigate this situation due to a supportive program and faculty at my university. But my conversations with friends and the larger international community have highlighted the extent of mental pressure international students felt during this time. Unlike others, they cannot move in with their parents if they don’t have the stipend to pay their rent. Overall, the cost of pursuing a PhD – a 5-year long journey – in another country comes at a huge price for many of us. So uncertain situations such as the current pandemic make us question whether it’s worth pursuing this direction at all.

Change in Research Directions

Right after the pandemic lock-down was announced and the universities physically shut their laboratories earlier this year, I was a part of a meeting between faculty and graduate students. Here, the primary question the graduate students were asked was – How do you think you would change your research direction now, given that the pandemic has rendered your earlier research plans unfeasible?

I was already grappling with understanding what had just happened when I felt a flurry of emotions run through me – helplessness, lack of support, and confusion. I didn’t have an answer to this question and I strongly wished this question was not asked in the meeting in such an unsympathetic manner. I felt two things: first, the entire onus has been put on me to find a new research direction almost making the pandemic my fault; and secondly, if I was not ready with the answer in this meeting, I was not working hard enough. I look up to the faculty as mentors – people who can problem solve with me and guide me through that process, not leave me stranded alone in midst of finding answers to research directions.

At this point some burning questions were raised for me: “What is the meaning of the work I am trying to do here? Or does it have any meaning at all?”

Down the road, when I look back on my life or when I think back on this time of crisis — will there be a respectable answer to the question: So what did you do at that point?

Personally, academic prowess means little if it doesn’t solve real life problems or help people in some way. One really questions the value of a PhD if it is stuck between the pandemic, lack of funding, migrants dying of heat and hunger, change in research directions and not being with family – something that has disturbed me immensely during this time.

What Kept/Keeps me going

Victor Frankl has talked about the importance of having a purpose in life that adds meaning to it. It is similar to the existentialist Buddhist philosophy that acknowledges that everything in this world is inherently meaningless and is never stable; one has to add meaning to objects, experiences and life itself. Both these sources have helped me survive and develop my own understanding around the pandemic and its impact. Frankl states that everything can be taken from a (wo)man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.

For me, this was SwaTaleem, a nonprofit I co-founded. We work to enhance educational outcomes for young girls prone to early marriage. COVID-19 hit this community of girls in ways unimaginable for most of us. I can always come back to my research if there is a gap or disruption – it doesn’t mean the same thing for them. In communities where child marriages are high, disruption in education means never coming back to school; it means getting married. The residential schools where we work in, have been shut down and girls have been sent back home. Online education does not work in these settings. Even having a phone in a household doesn’t guarantee that a girl can access it. Being at home now, simply means a higher likelihood that the family will marry them off as a liability. In fact, a recent UN report suggests that COVID-19 will push 13 million more girls into child marriage.

The challenges that these girls face are much more serious than mine. In fact, if one looks closely at this community, they carry out negotiations each day fueled by resilience and resistance. What pride and joy it brings me to work for and with these girls. And it is simply this that has kept me going. Each day I get up, pausing my own ‘research’, and try to assemble some solutions for this complex social problem with equally committed and passionate people in India. It just gives a bigger meaning to my little pursuit of a degree, to the research I do, to the truth I seek and to my life. And I have realized that when you work for others, your problems seem small – always – and it somehow propels you to do better. Because there is a bigger driving force that makes you work harder.  

Getting Perspective

Building on the previous point, I want to highlight a larger angle on getting perspective in life. When I read the news on the migrants in India, the Amphan cyclone in South East Asia (strongest in a decade), the COVID-19 affected populations in Illinois around me (the majority of whom are Blacks and Latinas) and very recently, the collective resistance in the George Floyd case –  it humbles me. It gives me perspective as well as a deep sense of gratitude not just to what I have, but also to what some of my people all over the world are facing. I have food, shelter, work to do, a salary and a loving partner – this has been more than enough for me to sail through with empathy.

Support Systems

I have stayed away from my partner, now husband, for 1.5 years before he moved to the US earlier this year. During the pandemic, we were together, and it was truly a blessing. We also had a close friend of ours who stayed with us during the pandemic. Having this support system in place made so many things lighter for us to absorb as a collective. Sharing meals and conversations brought us closer but also lessened the daily impact of what each one of us was going through. Also, its encouraging how some of the faculty have taken active roles and stepped up to work in collaboration during this time to create an environment of support for us.

Hope

I will end with Hope – one of the most important qualities that keeps us going through the darkest times in our lives and what it means to me as an Indian international graduate student. 

I always think of the time when one day, soon enough,

I will be able to go back to India and breathe its air and listen to the chaos on the roads;

That I will be able to eat Chaat and Samosa and Masala Dosa;

That I will be able to see the girls back in school and ask how school is going and what they want to be in life?

That I will be able to meet and talk to the teachers on cold sunny mornings in Haryana about what we can improve in our program;

That I will be able to discuss program strategies with the team members while planning what to cook together in the evening (yes that’s how work happens in remote areas);

That I will be able to see and touch and play with my dogs and hug them like I want to now;

That I’ll be able to cycle on the busy roads of my hometown and have Chai with my mother in the evenings.

Our life gives us few chances where we can truly change what we believe in and what we do. Maybe this is one such chance and this ‘Hope’ can help us choose the right path.

Ananya Tiwari is a doctoral student in educational psychology at the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign and the Program Coordinator for the Graduate Evaluation Diversity Internship (GEDI) program with the American Evaluation Association (AEA). She uses developmental psychology to study socio-emotional (SE) skills at the intersection of poverty and gender. Her focus areas are cross cultural measurements of SE skills, programme design, and evaluation using culturally responsive frameworks. Ananya is also the co-founder of the SwaTaleem Foundation that works with rural adolescent girls in India to enhance the educational outcomes through SE skills and human-centered design.

CARED Perspectives: COVID-19 Pandemic Unearthing Challenges and Exposing Disparities

This post is a part of the series, “CARED Perspectives,” developed by the APAGS Committee for the Advancement of Racial and Ethnic Diversity (CARED). This series discusses current events and how these events relate to graduate students in psychology. If you are interested in contributing to the CARED Perspectives series, please contact Aleesha Young, Chair of APAGS-CARED.

By Sarah Gubara, MS

Globally, the COVID-19 pandemic has made our worlds a little smaller. With the majority of individuals confined to their homes, the chaos of the first couple of weeks has created white noise that has become increasingly overbearing. Most importantly, this pandemic has highlighted the significant disparities prevalent across our communities. While many are hunkering down in the safety of their homes with loved ones, there are  other vulnerable families in our communities that are contending with economic and health disparities, food and financial insecurity, and isolation from resources and social support. 

Interestingly, the economic disparities related to this pandemic are shared among some graduate students and their clients alike. During these uncertain times both practicum students and clients may be contending with lost wages, uncertainty about the future, and experiencing increased anxiety. This emotive weight on the therapeutic relationship compounds with existing challenges for marginalized clients and therapists. While many student trainees are receiving excellent supervision to process these changes, there are some that are navigating this process alone. It is at this point that a clinician’s ability, or lack thereof, in multicultural responsiveness is highlighted as the fallout of this pandemic requires higher levels of cultural insight and sensitivity, self-efficacy, and awareness of social injustices and disparities. In addition to the therapeutic adjustments we need to make, the call to mobilize services quickly to telehealth further exposes the depth of the economic divide. 

While telehealth and remote education are both blessings during this time, they are also a privilege. Within weeks, graduate practicum students and their clients were privy to the sharp economic inequalities that exist. For instance, in my work with survivors of torture I was blessed to work with a responsive team that provided thorough and consistent supervision, and strategies to accommodate our clients. However, in speaking with clients I began to understand the dearth of resources that exist for them and the obstacles that remain ahead. Session after session with clients led to similar concerns that included loss of work, reduced transportation, limited community support, and so on. While my agency ensured that we were prepared to deliver services, I  realized that my entire caseload may not have the resources to readily receive those services. Some of my clients share rooms with two to three other people and privacy is an issue. Other clients may not have smartphones or wi-fi to download Zoom or any other virtual meeting application. Yet others are parents who are now contending with sharing devices, teaching, and managing their child(ren) without the support of the school day structure.  

Furthermore, the existing protective factors that clients often turn to, such as churches, are now no longer an option. Many of my clients are refugees and asylum seekers, some of whom are new to the community. Without the access of community gatherings like churches or local centers, clients feel isolated and untethered, particularly when language acquisition is a challenge. Given the timing of this pandemic, many practicum students are now terminating with clients as it is the end of the semester for most of us. The loss of identity, resources, and support continues to be compounded at a high cost for our most vulnerable clients. 

Together, graduate practicum students and their clients are having to adjust to the challenging landscape and process its shared trauma, while simultaneously developing new coping strategies. While in some circumstances, there is no certainty at the present, let us not forget the glaring disparities that we now see and let’s do what we can to help while also taking care of ourselves.  For now, we must applaud, encourage, and support the resilience, perseverance, and creativity of our clients and fellow graduate students.

Sarah Gubara, MS is a graduate of Johns Hopkins University (BA’11, MS ’17) and a practicum student at TASSC International working with survivors of state-sponsored torture in Washington, DC. She is in the final year of her combined PhD in Counseling Psychology and School Psychology at Florida State University and will be starting her APA-accredited internship with the Treehouse Child Advocacy Center in July 2020.

APA’s Third Pandemic Care Package for Students

Is Zoom Fatigue a thing? Are we in a “new normal” yet? That may depend on when, how, and to whom you ask the question.  Wherever this message may find you, the staff in APA’s Early Career & Graduate Student Affairs hope that you are safe and that all of your loved ones are well. This is our third pandemic “care package.” We’ve hand-picked a few of the top resources provided by APA and related organizations to assist you during this time. Please feel free to share this with your networks and reach out if you have any questions or specific concerns we can field.  

New resources:

Continuing resources: 

What else would you like to see?  Send us an email – your concerns are our priority.

Defending Virtually: A “New Normal” for Doctoral Candidates

Allie Smith @creativegangsters

Like many graduate students, the last two years of my graduate career have largely consisted of preparing for my dissertation proposal and final defense. In all of that time spent analyzing and re-analyzing data, reading literature, writing, and editing non-stop, I had never envisioned that part of that process would involve figuring out how to propose virtually.

My committee members and I narrowed in on a date one day prior to my institution closing for the remainder of the semester. I was set to propose in-person the following week. To ensure that the proposal went smoothly and as scheduled in an online format:

  • I dedicated part of my time to practicing my presentation via Zoom with my family who served to help me troubleshoot issues ahead of time;
  • I made sure to have a strong internet connection;
  • I religiously monitored my email for any incoming messages from my committee members indicative of issues accessing the platform;
  • And I took deep breaths.

Luckily, no major technical issues arose and after two hours I was asked to exit the meeting so that the committee could privately come to a decision. Fifteen minutes later, I received a text from my advisor to re-enter the call at which point I was told that I had successfully passed my oral proposal. I remember letting out an excited “woohoo!” as my committee members congratulated me. (And I wasn’t even on mute!)

As the calls and texts poured in from family and friends, I felt a mix of emotions: Accomplished for being one step closer to graduating; grateful for the flexibility and commitment of my committee members to see me through this step – and for the distant support of my loved ones in the midst of preparing for what the pandemic was to bring; and also a small amount of grief for the celebratory hugs and high fives I knew I would not receive in person.

Nevertheless, as I now gear up to schedule my defense and look ahead to my possible future as a social psychologist, I decided to interview an APAGS leader on his process of defending a dissertation from home.*

Q: Could you please briefly introduce yourself?

My name is Alvin P. Akibar, I’m a sixth-year doctoral candidate in Experimental Psychology at the University of North Texas. My minor is in Research, Measurement, and Statistics. I’m originally from Queens, NY by way of Houston, TX.  And I successfully defended my dissertation at the beginning of April.

Q: Was your defense open or closed to other people?

My department tends to have open defenses as a standard and sends announcements out to students and faculty. I shared the meeting information with some friends and colleagues on social media, but there was definitely some attention to keeping to the meeting manageable given recent issues with Zoom “bombing.” To help negotiate that balance, while the meeting information was relatively public, I set up the meeting to have a waiting room so that a member of my committee or I would need to let in each person.

Q: What made your experience defending from home different from those of your colleagues or others who have proposed in-person?

As much practice as I might do in my living room, it was strange to then continue the entire defense there. I felt a little disconnected, especially given my experience with my thesis defense in the department. The community in my department is one where faculty and students alike give encouragement throughout the day, especially while the committee is in deliberation. I had not realized just how impactful it was for one’s department community be the first to acknowledge the milestone post-defense until current circumstances made it no longer a possibility.

Q: Were there any pros to defending virtually?

While in some ways it was a bit isolating with respect to my department, it was honestly amazing to have friends and colleagues, many of whom I met over the course of my graduate studies, be able to watch and send encouragement from across the country.

Q: Did you run into any complications as you were setting up your virtual defense or defending?

Having webcam issues on a regular day might be a minor inconvenience, easily remedied with a quick trip to the store or to a repair shop. Having webcam issues prior to a dissertation defense during a time that those places are closed or sold out of supplies becomes much more of a task.  I do now have the knowledge and tools to take apart and repair my laptop’s webcam but having some sort of backup camera would have saved a lot of time and stress.

Beyond that, as my committee was now working from home, we had a few additional hurdles to the historically simple process of getting the paperwork signed by everyone. Even more than before, I definitely relied on the help of my department’s graduate coordinator who came to my rescue and helped navigate basic tech support with my committee.

Q: What tips would you share with others who are about to defend their dissertations from home?

While it is important to take care in planning details of the milestone, not everything may go according to plan. It is okay and even natural to feel strange about having to suddenly change course and adjust expectations. Everyone is trying their best, and there is no need to stress yourself out over minor hiccups.

Q: Lastly, how did you celebrate your successful defense?

Well, celebration plans definitely had to be adjusted a bit. While a dinner is still happening at some point, pending travel and social distancing restrictions, later in the day I defended, I caught up with loved ones on the phone, and watched a few of my favorite shows over pizza.

* Alvin is going to be a panelist in our APA Webinar on April 30. Register or watch previous recordings in our Staying On Track series.

Zeljka Macura is a doctoral candidate in Applied Social Psychology at The George Washington University and a current intern in Early Career and Graduate Student Affairs at the American Psychological Association (APA). Her research interests are heavily focused on social psychological determinants of obesity, with an emphasis on health behavior promotion and intervention, as well as the application of social psychological theories in the context of social media to promote physical activity and healthy dietary behavior.

APA’s Pandemic Care Package for Students

We, the staff in APA’s Early Career & Graduate Student Affairs, continue to offer our best wishes for your safety and well-being. This is our second “pandemic care package” and we’ve hand-picked a few of the top resources provided by APA and related organizations to assist you during this time. Please feel free to share this with your networks.

New resources:

Continuing resources: 

What else would you like to see?  Send us an email – your concerns are our priority.