This blog post is a part of the series, “So Good,” developed by the APAGS Committee for Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity. This series will discuss current events and how these events relate to LGBTQ+ graduate students in psychology. If you are interested in contributing to the “So Good” series, please contact Mallaigh McGinley (they/them).
Going into graduate school during a global pandemic was not in my plans when I was applying to programs in the fall semester of 2019; it was also not in my plans when I received an acceptance to a Ph.D. program in Counseling Psychology in February 2019. What was in my plans was the fear and process of needing to find a community of queer people of color in a new location. Surprisingly, this process was easier than expected despite being in a time where isolation is sanctioned. While this pandemic has created much uncertainty and anxiety in my life, it has also opened my eyes to the importance of community. The Latinx community I grew up with all my life prepared me to understand that community provides support and can relate to experiences I thought I was going through alone; this is what I needed as I began my journey into a new graduate program as the only queer Latinx. Over the last nine months, I have seen my grandparents lose their income source, I have moved to a different state, and I have never had more access to a supportive community than I do now.
My birthday was the first day of quarantine in the state of Illinois back in March 2020; it was also the day I realized my maternal grandparents had lost their source of income. Ever since my grandparents moved to the United States from their hometown in Aguascalientes, Mexico, they have been working as photographers – taking photographs for baptisms, confirmations, quinceñearas, and weddings in churches in Chicago. Unfortunately, they have not been able to earn an income since the start of lockdowns. Thankfully, the Mexican community in Chicago is very community-oriented, and because my grandparents are well known with many Mexican Catholics in the area they have received a lot of support. Their connections in the community were not evident to me until I helped my grandma pick up food at a Chicago Public School food drive and we were waiting in line. During the one hour it took for us to go through the line, my grandma talked to all those around us, about how their daughter was doing, how they were dealing with lock down, and memories from Sunday church, among many other things. Even during a time of uncertainty and isolation, my grandma fostered connections to others and thrived emotionally from a social distance. In my experience, I always understood that being Mexican meant being in a tight-knit community that supported each other, but the depth of that connection did not hit me until I saw my grandmother smile through her face mask while talking to others in the line.
I regretted not forming that kind of connection at home with others who shared that identity as I began my journey to moving away from home and my family for the first time. Moving from Chicago to Akron, Ohio was a terrifying endeavor, not only because I would be in a place I had never been to before and away from those I love, but because I did not know how much those around me would accept me. A queer Latinx is not a new concept in the middle of a big city, but was it new to a small city in the Midwest, much less my program? It has felt like it as I have looked for panaderias on Google and have only come up with the Wonder Bread factory 0.7 miles away and a Starbucks located on campus. It has felt like I was the only nonbinary individual at my university every time I have needed to correct a professor about my pronouns. I know I cannot be the only queer Latinx in Ohio, but this is how I felt as I began navigating my first semester of graduate school. I did not inherit my grandparents’ ability to find community wherever they went and this was clear with every pang of homesickness.
My circumstances were not all that hopeless as I did have a supportive cohort and graduate program. Ever since the interview weekend, I introduced myself with they/them pronouns. While I have heard my professors slip up in using them, they continue to do better and catch themselves when they make a mistake. My cohort members have been consistent in using my pronouns, even offering to correct our professors if they use the wrong pronouns. Although these people have been the ones I interact with the most, they are not the only supportive group I have found. Surprisingly, the COVID-19 pandemic has opened many doors to me for finding my community, and it has done so virtually. Through social media, I have been able to join groups where people share my identities and share resources. One of these resources has been virtual meetups to network with others, one of which was specifically directed at transgender and nonbinary graduate students in psychology. Here, I was able to ask questions that no one in my graduate program could satisfy, such as “Should I disclose my pronouns to my students?”, “How open are you about your identity with faculty?”, and many others. There have been so many more groups I have been able to join through virtual means that have helped me to feel closer to those in my communities and my own identity, even if I am living in an unfamiliar place.
Almost a year since the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic, I have seen my grandmother still feel connected to her neighborhood, I have become the first in my family to move out of state and to pursue a graduate degree, and I have felt connected to my identity through the support of my cohort and from those online. Despite living through a time where isolation is expected, I have never felt more linked to others in my life. Knowing what I know now, I would advise my younger self and others that face similar challenges to find their community and supporters. While it may not look how I expected, it turned out better than I could have hoped. Going to graduate school during a global pandemic was never in my plans, but I am glad to have gone through my first semester knowing I have others I can look to for support and I am excited to continue doing so for the next five years.
Janessa Garcia is a doctoral student in counseling psychology at the University of Akron. They received their bachelor’s degree in psychology and women’s & gender studies from Roosevelt University in Chicago. Their research interests are focused on the evolution and exacerbation of post-traumatic stress symptoms for those who experience gender-based violence.